


semi-automatic

by odetoslvvp



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Fights, High School, Homophobia, M/M, Overdosing, Self-Harm, Sex, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetoslvvp/pseuds/odetoslvvp
Summary: Josh sure wasn't expecting to get that drunk last night.





	1. Chapter 1

I feel like shit. My head is pounding out of my skull, feeling nauseous, and I can't seem to remember anything from last night. I'm in Brendon's, my best friend's, bed. I sit up slowly and go into his bathroom to take a morning piss and a couple ibuprofen. I walk out and brendon is sitting on the edge of his bed now. I don't know where he was earlier. 

"You were really drunk," he says softly still staring at the wall in front of him to my left. 

I walk over to sit next to him on the bed, "I know I have the worst hangover right now." 

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"I remember going to a party down the street and having a few drinks but that's it. I don't even remember how I got to your house. I mean I'm guessing you brought me here but I don't remember," I says with a laugh at the end.

Brendon adjusts so he is turned towards be looking at me now. "You hooked up with someone last night."

That is not what I was expecting to come out of his mouth. I've never hooked up with someone before and never really wanted to honestly. I've had many many girlfriends but never took the relationship that far. All my friends, especially Brendon, would always try to get me to have sex with a girl but I really did not want to. So when Brendon said this he wasn't looking too... proud? I think that's the word. He was looking almost afraid. I hooked up with a girl! That's what he wanted, right? 

I look over at him with my shocked face. "Did not see that coming..." I couldn't tell what was going on. He was acting so weird. "Was she hot?"

"Josh, you were so fucking drunk," he says in a whisper putting his head down. 

"What's wrong?"

"You hooked up with a guy."


	2. Chapter 2

No no no no no! This cannot be happening! This isn't real, I'm straight! I'm pacing the room. 

"Josh, calm down it's going to be okay."

"No it's not going to be okay! I fucked a guy, Brendon! How do you even know? Hm? Who else knows?" I shakily spit out.  

"Well you were upstairs in one of the guest rooms and, you know that guy that sits at the table next to ours, his name is Pete, was looking for a room himself with his girlfriend and they saw you. They told some other people and everyone was taking a look. Just barely peaking through the door. I heard about it and went up and ended up pulling you off of the guy." 

"Every- everyone is going to know..." 

"Josh-" 

"Everyone! I'm going to get bullied, called a faggot, lose my friends! What if my parents find out, my Christian parents. I'm done for."

"I'm here for you, Josh, I'll accept you no matter what and a bunch of our friends will do the same. You will be okay." Brendon pulls me into a hug as I sit back down next to him starting to tear up. 

"I'm sorry." I hiccup. 

"C'mon, lets go downstairs and have some cereal, maybe? It's almost 12 o'clock."

"Yeah, that sounds good." I take a deep breath and walk downstairs with Brendon.

 

\- - -

 

We finish our sandwiches in silence and afterwards Brendon is dragging me outside. It's a fairly nice day outside where it's warm but with a slight breeze and the sky isn't that bright but still that blue-grey color which I've always been a fan of. 

"So the kid you fucked," Brendon starts. 

"Who was it?"

"I don't really know him and never talked to him but he's not- he's quiet and kinda nerdy... he's the boy in our AP journalism class who sits on the end of the second to last row. Scruffy brown hair and soft face. Think his name is Tyler. Overall he just isn't like us, you know. Isn't very popular. I actually don't know why he was at that party anyway."

I know him. I mean I don't know him but I know who he is taking about. I've noticed him a lot. There's something about him that draws my attention every time. I don't know what it is, though. "Yeah, I know who you're talking about."

"He lives at the end of my street." Brendon says not looking at me. 

I know what he's thinking but I ask anyway, "What are you thinking, Brendon?"

"Maybe you could go talk to him... I don't know."

I really should but I don't want to at all. I'm actually scared too. "I should shouldn't I."

"I think so." Brendon notices my worried look. "I'm not forcing you into this, if you don't want to, you don't have to."

"I mean, I don't want to but..." I pause trying to gather my thoughts, "Let's just go."

 

\- - -

 

We get to the house Brendon says is Tyler's and my heart is still racing. I was hoping it would settle on the walk here but obviously not. 

"Would you mind, uh, staying out here?"

"Of course not, I'll wait on the sidewalk," Brendon says walking down off of Tyler's porch.

I knock. A few seconds later hearing footsteps coming towards the door. I take a step back as the door opens. "Hello! May I help you?" A woman, I'm assuming is Tyler's mother says. 

"Uhm, I- Uh I'm looking for Tyler. Is there a way for me to speak with him?" 

"Of course! You can come on in. I think he is still asleep in his room just follow me." I followed the woman upstairs. I didn't think she would just let me go up to his room but okay. 

"Let me go wake him up and then you can go in, okay hun?"

"Yes, thank you." I say politely still very nervous. 

Only a few minutes later is she walking out saying I can go in. 

I hesitantly walk inside, trying to process everything that's in his room. The posters, pictures, flags, and Tyler. Tyler's sitting on the side of his bed, legs hanging off and rubbing his eyes. I make it a step in and freeze. He looks up and we make direct eye contact and he is immediately jerking up and out of the bed. Just seeing him.  _Fuck._ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~His bed head and in his jeans, in only his jeans, and his squinty eyes. If I'm honest with myself, he is attractive.

"I- Josh." He jerks me out of my thoughts. 

"Uhm, last night..."

"I- We- uhm."

"Yeah, I know. I was hoping we could talk about that." 

"That might be best." He sits back down on his bed, his head at a diaganol downwards. 

I sit next to him. "The whole school knows."

"That's what Mikey said," He sighs, "Mikey dragged me into that stupid party. I knew I shouldn't have gone." Dropping his head all the way down now. 

I feel bad for him. "It's okay, Tyler." I don't know how to comfort him. I don't know him. 

"I've had a crush on you since fucking 9th grade, as a freshman, so I thought I'd just go talk to you while I had the chance when you weren't... you i guess. When you're drunk you're more accepting. I went over and introduced myself and you put your hands on my shoulders and introduced yourself. You obviously had a little to much to drink. You then leaned into me and practically had your mouth in my ear whispering some... stuff."

"What did I say?"

"Well you started off with something along the lines off liking my baby face and then you kinda," Tyler clears his throat, "uh said in quote 'hopefully what you got in your pants isn't baby.' You lead me into the kitchen and got me a drink and yourself another one and then walked me upstairs. I wasn't expecting it to go that far but after a couple more drinks in the room we started uhm at it..."

"I was into it?" 

"Yeah."

"Man, we are screwed. All those people that saw us," I put my head in my hands. 

I feel a hand on my back, "this is all my fault, Josh, I'm sorry."

"No, no it's not we were both drunk and, and... we will just see what happens at school. It's fine." I sit up and Tyler pulls his hand away anxiously. 

I stand up, "I should probably leave," Tyler looks up and then stands.

"I take you to the door."

I walk out the door and turn around. Neither of us say anything but I feel that feeling run through me again whenever I see him. I don't even know Tyler.

I turn back around and race down his driveway and down the sidewalk where Brendon is. "You alright, J? You look a little pale." 

"I'm fine, just walk."

We walk about half way until Brendon asks, "What happened?"

A gentle sigh escapes my mouth, "He told me he has a crush on me first... then he said something about me flirting with him and then taking him upstairs first and getting him drunk, and then we banged." My voice monotoned. 

"Oh."

"He said I enjoyed it."

"You were drunk."

"Are you saying if you were drunk you would enjoy a dick in your ass?"

Brendon says nothing. 

"I didn't think so."

The rest of the way we don't talk. Once we get back to his house I grab my stuff and walk straight home which is only 3 houses down. That means I live on the same street as Tyler Joseph. Which is walking distance. 


	3. Chapter 3

Once in my house, I greet my parents, grab a bottled water and make my way upstairs to my room. 

I plop on my bed and pull out my phone. "Did you really hook up with, that nerd, Tyler???" "Gayyyyy" "Had sex with a man huh..." "pls tell me they are just rumors!" Those were about the extend of the texts I got just from about 50 different people. Ugh. 

I decide to leave the messages alone and not bother replying. There is no point, everyone will be saying the same, just to my face at school. 

I lay on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, for about 7 more minutes before I walk myself back downstairs and grabbing my laptop. 

I sit downstairs for a good hour and a half doing nothing in particular and munching on a few snacks before my mom wants to go out to a fast dinner. On the way there me and my dad argue over either going to Waffle House for my dad or Chipotle for me. We end up going to Chipotle. 

I make my soft tacos with chicken and steak like usual and go find a seat while my dad pays. _Fuck._ ~~~~I see Pete sitting at the corner table with his girlfriend. I spin on my heals trying to be cool not to catch his attention but of course he does cause we have to have something crazy in the chapter.

"Faggot!" 

_Leave Josh._

I'm trying to get out. I go back over to my parents and set my tacos with them and walk out the door. My mom comes after me asking what is going on. 

"I feel nauseous in there. Can we take the food home, please?"

"Of course! Go to the car, I'll go get Dad, okay?" and then she walks inside and out comes Pete. 

I know I can take him if we fight but I don't want to cause more drama. 

"Did you have yourself a little bit of fun last night, J?" Taking steps towards me.

"Knock it off Pete." I say subtly. 

"Oh c'mon, you don't want a little bit of me like you wanted a little bit of that nerd last night?"

"Pete I said  _knock_ it  _off_."

"Ya know, I think I will, actually." 

Then I felt Pete's knuckles in the side of my head. Stumbling back, eyes going dark. Another hit this time directly on my right eye. Down I go onto the concrete parking lot. 

Pete didn't stop there, kicking my side 4 times and then he stopped and I hear running feet. My parents. 

 

\- - -

 

You know in the movies where after someone gets into a car accident or gets hurt and wakes up in the hospital but when they wake up it's extremely bright and you hear that high pitched sound like a dog whistle? Yeah. That just happened. 

I wake up in a very uncomfortable hospital bed with my dad in the chair, by the window, and my mom not in sight. My dad is dead asleep.

I adjust to the setting of the room and sit up. Good thing nothing is broken. I have that pulse thing on my finger and that's about it from what I can see. I slowly creep out of the bed and, man, my  _stomach._ I lift up the robe they put me in. The only colors I see from my lower abdomen to the bottom of my chest is black and blue. God it hurts like hell. 

I walk over to the open bathroom they have on the side of the room across from the bed. A black eye, huge ass lump on the side of my face and a couple cuts. That's the extent of my face. It actually makes me look really tuff. I wanna see the reaction of people at school tomorrow. 

I guess that's also a plus; good thing this happened Saturday night and not Sunday night so I would miss school. 

I hear the door creep open and walk out of the bathroom. My mom brought some of the hospital food. 

"Honey! How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Sit back down. Eat this. Try and relax."

"Mom, mom. I'm feeling fine. Thank you. Don't worry I'm okay. The only pain is the bruises on my stomach." I sit back on the bed and start munching the breakfast she brought while she wakes my dad. 

The food is terrible but what do you expect from a hospital cafeteria. And it's food so it will do. 

"Who was that guy Josh?" My father says with a stern voice. 

"Uh I didn't get a look at him... He came from behind I didn't see." I lie. 

"You don't have to lie to us, Josh, is that why you wanted to leave?"

"No I wasn't feeling good and I really didn't know who he was or that he was gonna beat me up. I swear." I should've probably told them the truth but I don't know. I just couldn't. 

"Honey..." my mom is shaking her head slightly and putting her head in her hands. 

"I'm sorry."

"No! It's not your fault! Don't think that for a second. I'm just worried."

"He will be okay," My dad looks at my mom, "the doctor said you could be released later today." Looking back at me.

"Good. Just in time for Monday school." 

 

\- - -

 

Left the hospital not to shabby. A black eye that will get better in no time, a lump that has already started to shrink, and of course, my stomach that match my black skinny jeans I'm planning to wear tomorrow. 

I head to bed and try to fall asleep but I couldn't. Usually I go to sleep instantly but tonight was not like that. It makes sense. Probably worried for school and what people are gonna say but it's something more. I have that feeling I get when I see Tyler. But Tyler isn't around.

I wonder what Tyler thinks of me. He said he has had a crush on me since 9th grade. We are juniors right now and it's towards the end of the year. I haven't even had any contact with him. We had a few classes but never really talked. 

I really need rest but I can't get Tyler out of my mind now. I need to talk to him again. The biggest part that keeps me thinking is he said I enjoyed it. I was the one who started it. I was flirting with him first. I'm thinking too much. 

The horrors of the night melt away, under the warm glow of survival of the day. Then I move on, my shadow grows taller along with my fears and my friends shrink smaller, as night grows near. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you want me to do tyler pov as well as Josh's? Cause i might do that I'm not sure yet.


	4. Chapter 4

::tyler::

ah, shit... What time is it? I hear my mother waking me up, and ho-lee shIT does my ass hurt. Like not just a bit bruised, like- holy FUCK.

HOLY FUCK, i think to myself

Joshua William *Dun* and i fucked last night. Wait. I rub my eyes and look up. he's here, and my mom saw him. FUCK.

I pull myself out of the bed after him, following into the jungle of a room that I live in. Trying to explain, my tongue becomes a solid knot and my words fall out like flat notes.

My mind is filled with cobwebs the entire time talking to Josh and I actually can't believe I am talking to him. I mean yes we fucked but we were  _very_ drunk. 

I start spitting words out not filtering them and once it's all over I realize just what came out of my mouth. 

First told him he enjoyed it which I probably shouldn't have said. It was true though.. he like really enjoyed it. 

Then I told him how I've had a crush on him since freshman year which I also shouldnt have said but it was true. 

Once he walked out the door I wish he would just walk right back in. I wish I said more but whatever I guess. I'll see him Monday at school. 

School. Everyone knows and I'm just gonna get bullied even more. Fantastic. 

 

\- - -

 

Sunday morning I get a text from my friend Mikey. A screenshot of a tweet of that douchebag Pete. I feel my heart skip. And the next thing I know is I'm running down the street to where Josh lives. 

Pete beat him up. Not just beat him up but knocked him unconscious. Put him in the hospital he said. This can't be true. 

 _Ding dong._ No answer. I ring again. Still nothing. They must all be at the hospital. I walk to Brendon's house. I know he is Josh's best friend.

"Uhm... Tyler hey can I help you?"

"Do you know if Josh is alright I heard he is in the hospital?" Apparently Brendon didn't hear and I had to show him the tweet. He was incredibly worried just like me.

I stay with him for a good while and we just kinda talked. He wasn't what I was expecting him to be. Most of the people Josh hang out with aren't the best people so I just assumed Brendon was the same. I was definitely wrong.

I go home close to 5 o'clock and go to bed early that night. I force myself into a rest when my brain won't shut up. Tonight it wouldn't shut up about Josh. I wonder if Josh ever thought about me?

 

\- - -

 

 The next morning is the usual with brushing my teeth, washing my face, and changing my clothes. And just to keep you updated, my ass still hurts. 

Doesnt take long till I finish breakfast and am out the door into my pink ish car heading to school. I drive past Josh's house and see him getting into his SUV and he looks pretty beat up. Still hot obviously though. 

The drive to school was short and my thoughts covered by the sounds coming out of my car radio. The notes still didn't mask my heart beat pounding in my chest because I am petrified of what is going to happen in this school day. 

I park in my usual spot and grip ahold of my book bag as Josh pulls in beside me. He is quick to get out of the car and catch up to me trying to get into the building. He walks beside me neither of us talking for quite a while. 

"Hi." He says finally 

"Hi."

"I would like to get to know you I mean we fucked so I think that's smart."

"yeah I would too." I really have  _no_ idea what to say. 

"Maybe after school?" He says opening the door to the building. "If you're okay with that of course."

"That sounds great actually." I take a step in and all hell breaks loose because josh, the popular, is with me, tyler, the nerd, the boy he fucked. I hate my life. Why can't I just be invisible again. 

I take the back routes to class today trying to avoid contact with  **everyone**. Pete wasn't here today which made things a lot easier. 

Journalism was the most awkward by far because Josh, Brendon, Mikey and I were all in that class. 

Today we got assigned a small project we had to do with a partner. Thank god we got to chose. I obviously went with Mikey. Josh went with Brendon. 

"Josh looks bad." Mikey whispers. 

"Yeah. I feel bad. Thank god Pete isn't here today. That's probably what I would look like too if he was here."

"Probably." I start signing into the chrome book trying to stay cool. "You have that look again."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yes you do. You get it whenever Josh is mentioned and you try to hide it." My face turns bright read. 

"I do NOT."

"Don't try and hi-" Mikey was cut off MY our teacher.

"I have changed my mind I want to make this project due in 2 days." Everyone groans. "Wait wait I want you to combine with another group to make it 4 people per separate project. So just find another group and get started." 

Oh dear LORD. Of course I only know Mikey and Mikey only knows me so we are either going to have to make new friends which I absolutely  _hate_ , or end up with Josh. That would be awkward as heLL.

Josh and Brendon sit on the other side of the room and out of the corner of my eye I see them stand up at the same time. They start walking in the direction of Mikey and I. He honestly wants us to get beat up and bullied. 

They squat in front of our tables "We are your partners now." Brendon says. 

Josh is just sitting there not talking or making any eye contact with anyone. I'm trying not to stare at him but it's really hard. He looks up and direct eye contact was made and it was awkward because neither of us could look away. Brendon stands up and then we break away and Josh stands up. 

"That sound like a good plan?" I missed his entire plan. 

"Uhm yeah that sounds great." What am I doing. 

I look over at Josh who is lookin at me too and just shrug. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda boring but I have a plan for the next and hopefully it will be better


	5. Chapter 5

::josh::

I'm trying to get close and know tyler but it's  _so_   _hard_. Honestly that kid is so awkward not to be mean. It makes him kinda cute.

People are also so rude like chill I understand a "popular" fucked a nerd and is more than likely (obviously josh just fucking admit it) is gay. I mean it makes sense I never wanted to fuck any girls but still. I've thought of it before and really didn't want it to be true. 

I mean who wants to get bullied and not be accepted. 

I really do want to try with Tyler though. Those feelings I always have around him make so much sense now. And the reason he said I enjoyed the sex. I like him. 

Now we are doing a project together so eeeven more time with him. :)

I almost forgot.  _We are hanging out tonight._ I gotta plan something. I gotta clean my room. I gotta- I gotta relax. It's not like anything big will happen. 

 

\- - -

 

 ~~~~::tyler::

In total today I only got called a faggot around 40 times. Pretty good. 

Grabbing my Calculus book out of my locker and am on my way to my car when I realize I'm going over to _Josh Dun's house._

I really just need to relax.

Coming up on my car, with Josh's beside mine still, around the side, Josh is leaning on his SUV.

"Hey i was thinking you can take your car home and then you can just come right over to my house if that's okay."

"Oh uh, yeah that sounds great actually." fuck _yeS._

"Cool," he slightly smiles looking down at his shoes. "Um, my mom- uh she can make dinner if you want to stay for that."

"I would like that." Josh looks up and smiles. He seems nervous. And I felt okay I guess. Usually I'm extremely awkward but at the moment I'm not.

"Okay. Well I'll meet you at my house then." And with that Josh and I got into our separate cars and drove off.

 

\- - -

 

Im BOUNCING off the walls. It just hit me what I'm up for. I'm _so_  excited. I race up the stairs to tidy up a bit and then I glide into the kitchen where my mom is standing. 

"I'm gonna go over to my friend's house for a bit if that's okay."

"Yeah that's fine. Be home before 9 it's a school night." And with that I'm out the door and on my way down the street to Josh's house. 

 Just act cool I keep telling myself. Don't be awkward and just have a good time you are there to hang out with a  _friend_. He doesn't like you so just keep your gay down. 

I ring the door bell and inside I go with a simple hi from Josh. Next up the stairs and into a room at the end of the hallway. 

I look in and it's not what I was expecting honestly. He has a red and black drum set in the corner and most of the colors in the room are dark based like blacks and reds like the drum set. "I didn't know you played."

"oh uh yeah most people don't. Not even my friends actually. Just Brendon. And you." I feel honored. He just shared something with me that only one other person really knows. 

Tyler shut the fuck UP. He doesn't  _like_ you. 

"I play the piano and ukulele. Only Mikey knows."

"Oh wow that's really cool. How long have you been playing?"

"Well my parents always wanted me to play basketball but I was never interested and finally at 11 I told them. They were kinda disappointed but they finally settled into it and for my birthday bought me a keyboard. After that I started getting interested in more stuff like the ukulele." We sit down on Josh's bed. "What about you?" 

"My parents never really force me into doing anything but they never supported anything either. They didn't really care. I had to save up my own money and buy the drums which took me about a year with doing chores and my own work but I got them. I taught myself and now I'm here." Josh says and he seems  _so_ proud and I am too. 

"Wow Josh! That's cool."

"Thanks Ty." Ty he called me  _ty_. aHH

Oh my god  _ty_ , STOP. 

We sit there a while longer not doing anything, talking, looking at each other. Just fiddling with my thumbs. 

Josh looks up at me, who is still picking a hangnail. "I want to try something."

I look up at him. "Okay."

The next thing I know is I feel Josh's lips press up against mine. I push mine into his leaning into his kiss and he wraps a muscular arms around my waist and one behind my neck. I put one of my cold hands on his cheek and the other pushing into his bed keeping me up. 

Josh pulls me ontop of him and I feel his tongue. I start with my tongue as well. I feel his hand go up my thin grey shirt and run up my spinal cord. I'm laying on Josh's stomach when I hear footsteps. 

He jerks up and I fix my shirt as I sit back on my spot on his bed. I look at the door and his mom peaks in. She looks like a very sweet lady. 

"Hey honey, sorry I didn't know you had a friend over. I just got home and will probably be making Chinese food. You staying for dinner?" She looks at me. 

"Yes." I say with a smile. 

"Great! I will make plenty. What is your name? I haven't met you before. 

"Tyler." 

"It's very nice to meet you Tyler. You can call me Laura." She smiles and closes the door.

I sit there staring at the door. 

"That was close..." 

"Yeah." I look at him. 

"She doesn't know. If that was what you were wondering."

"I figured she didn't. Mine don't either." 

A soft smile forms at the edges of Josh's mouth. He falls onto his back on his bed and I fall next to him. We lay there, inches apart, looking at the ceiling fan spin and spin around. 


	6. Chapter 6

::josh::

We lay there on my bed and the only thing I can feel is how Tyler's spine felt against my fingers, his soft lips against my chapped ones, and how his legs straddled mine. I wish I could play it back and feel that one more time. 

After 15 minutes I finally sit up and take Tyler downstairs. My mom has to be almost done with dinner. 

Right as we are walking down stairs I see my mom start walking out of the kitchen. 

"I was just about to come and get you guys! Dinner is ready." 

We walk into the kitchen grab our plates and go into the dining room. We eat with little talk with my parents and sibling. It's mostly all about Tyler because they haven't met him but that's okay with me. I like talking about him. 

We finish and Tyler ate a lot more than I expected. Like he is so small and fragile I didn't think all that would fit into him. It's actually impressive. 

We head back up into my room and it's about 5:30 now. 

Sitting on my bed "what else happens in the world of Tyler?" 

"Hah not much actually. I told you the only interesting thing about me. I like music."

"I doubt that is the only interesting thing," I smile, "what is a fear of yours?"

"I'm terrified of dogs...?"

"No no like a fear. What are you afraid of like deep down?"

"oh... well I- I uh," he pauses. 

"If you don't-"

"No I will share it's just nobody has ever asked." 

"Oh." 

"Ok- I'm afraid of being alone or being left. I don't want to be a mistake or unwanted. I want to have a purpose or be a purpose to someone. I don't want to leave this world unhappy, I need someone or something to make me happy and I'm scared that I'll never get that and everything will just be a waste. I'm scared of not living up to everyone's standards. But I'm scared to try and mess up."

I reply, "I'm scared of what people think of me and what everyone sees of me. I don't want people to see the side I mask or the person I don't show. I want to be what everyone else wants me to be and Im scared I'm going to mess that up. I'm never what I like, I'm double sided and just can't hide."

We sit there soaking up each others fears and it's kinda beautiful. It feels like we both care about each other and that's a first for me. 

"Can I ask you something?" Tyler breaks the silence. 

"Go for it."

"You said you're scared of what people think and you hide everything that's really you so will you ever show the real you to the world?"

I'm stuck. I mean I don't know. "I think... I don't know about the world but certain people, yes. Maybe let's take baby steps. You try with me and I'll try showing the world you."

 

\- - -

 

::tyler::

I sit on the edge of Josh's bed while he sits on his carpet in front of me talking about siblings, favorite movies, childhood memories, and more. 

I never new him before and thought he was snobby and rude and now I know he is  _really_ sweet and a great listener. 

8:30 comes around and I tell Josh I need to get going home. "My mom said I had to be home by 9 and I still have to walk back so I should get going."

"oh yeah. It was really nice having you over." 

"Yeah it was nice." Josh opens the front door and I step out, him staying inside. I turn around aand say one last goodbye. It was awkward. I'll admit but it was nice. I go on my way back to my house. 

 

\- - -

 

Then next morning at school is the casual day of "faggot" "cunt" and "slut" being called my way but at least, still no Pete. 

I'm still trying to avoid Josh in school but apparently he doesn't want to do. He wants all of my attention. He already has all my attention in journalism what more could he want.

I plop down at my lunch table with Mikey, Dallon, Patrick, and Gerard. There are 3 empty seats left at or 8 person table. 

I grab my sandwich and Ashley sits down in front of me and a figure sits down right beside me leaving only 1 space left. 

To my left, Gerard makes a huge ass gasp and I see Patrick flinch. I whip around looking at them look past me. The figure. 

"You've been avoiding me." I whip back around the my right side and there is THE Joshua Dun. I don't say anything and just stare in shock. "Joseph, you've been avoiding me," he says again but this time with chocolate puppy eyes.

"I'm not avoiding you..." 

"Don't lie to me!" Josh says in a playful tone, "c'mon ty," josh says bumping his hips into mine, "we're friends right?"

"Yeah. We are i just... i don't know." I look back over to my left at everyone else. They are staring with dead eyes my way. Gerard mouths a "what is going on?" 

Gerard goes way back with Josh. They have gone to the same school since kindergarten and they were friends until middle school and then Josh got in between all those other guys like Alex and Pete who bullied Gerard. Josh wasn't a part of it but he was friends with those types of people so yeah. Everyone at the table knows Gerard isn't very fond of Josh but they don't seem to be pushing him away. Just staring.

I turn back to Josh, "my friends aren't fond of you and your friends aren't fond of me."

"Why should that matter?" Josh turns toward me with a smirk. That smirk could kill me.

"If you say anything regardi-"

"They didn't come between use in the bed!" Josh laughs hard at his own joke and my face flushes red. That breaks the stares and everyone, even Gerard, starts cracking up and makes "oooohs" my face is buried in my hands as josh stands up and skips away. 

I didn't see him again until after school walking back to my car, "Tomorrow I'm taking you to school and taking you home. Be ready by 6:45." Josh smiles and hops in his car. 

 

\- - -

 

The next morning at exactly 6:45, I see Josh pulls into my drive way in his White SUV from my bedroom window. Wait he's getting  _out_ of his car. I search for my book bag and a light jacket and go downstairs just as the doorbell is ringing. I open it to Josh. Obviously. 

"Who is that Tyler?"

"It's my friend Josh. We are going to carpool to school together. I'll see you later mom love you!" I push Josh out the door and the the sidewalk to his car. 

"C'mon you don't want me to meet your parents?" I give him a look to shut up and he laughs. 

I hop in the front seat and put my bag at my feet. "Why so early?"

"There a small doughnut shop on the way. We are getting doughnuts."

"Alrighty." Josh pushes a cassette tape in his car radio, which are those really still a thing, and the killers come on. I'm actually a huge fan of the killers. 

We sing a mixture of songs from the lyrics of "I got soul but I'm not a soldier" to "im coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine." 

Once we get to the doughnut shop and walk in I'm blasted with a fresh cakey smell. We order 2 doughnuts and small coffees and go back to Josh's warm car tinted orange from the sun coming up. 

We make small talk until we pull into school and have our day like usual. People still aren't settling on Josh and I though. It seems like more people are joining in on attacking us on it. It's none of their business what is going on in our personal lives. 

The day goes by slow and I'm exhausted for some weird reason. Josh keeps me awake though. At the end of the day Josh takes me home and I invite him in. My mom isn't home yet. We walk into my room which josh has only seen once; the day after that party. He walks around and looks at a couple things and stops at my keyboard. 

"You should play me something." He looks at me and smiles. 

"Uhm I don't know about that..."

"oh c'mon ty just a little snip of a song."

How could I say no. I sit in front of the keyboard wondering what to play. I know. 

I start hitting the keys and Josh sits next to me tapping along. I stop after the chorus. "I like that song."

"You listen to Brand New?" 

"I little. I'm not obsessed or their biggest fan but I know a lot of there songs. That one, was always on my list of favorites."

"Hm... didn't know."

and then we sat talking again just like the night before. It was nice to have someone that I could actually talk to and be myself with. Who would listen anyway. 


	7. Chapter 7

::josh:: 

The week goes by and me and Tyler are getting closer and closer. By that I mean _really freaking close._ I know a lot about him from just talking on my bedroom floor and playing MarioKart. The people at school are getting ruder too. They lay off me a little cause I've got piercing and pink hair and look punk honestly, but tyler he is just  ~~~~so ~~~~ ~~~~innocent and people see him now as an easy target. I hate it.

After school I meet Ty at his house, mostly cause nobody from his family is home yet and we can just have us time. We sit playing MarioKart on his bed and  _god_ he is so adorable and so  _distracting_ with the way he has that serious look on his face studying the screen. His eyes wide and every now and then he will lick his lips and his nose will- I lost. 

"HA! Third time in a row!"

"I let you win that game..."

"mhm suuuuuure you did joshie," tyler looks at me with that grin of his that sends my heart to my gut in a split second. 

I'm locked in his gaze with him staring back not looking away either. "What's going through your head josh?" Tyler says but not breaking the connection of our eyes. 

"You."

"What about me?" Tyler moves into my lap wrapping his legs around my back, "Did you see this?"

"I do now."

Tyler leans his head to wear his mouth is up against my ear, "What happens next?"

"I kiss you," -I put my hands around his waste and pull Tyler into me- "Then I... will kiss you up your jawline, down your neck and to your collarbone," -I move my lips down around Ty's jawline to his neck and collarbone where I place a purple bruise- "I make my way further down," -I move my hands from around his waist to under his sweatshirt and pull it off, moving my hands up his torso. Tyler lifts his arms and I take the sweatshirt off fully- "I will lay you down," -I push tyler down onto his bed- "Now i kiss you up and down," -I start at the top of his chest and kiss all over from his nipples to right above his waist line. I can feel tyler starting to get hard as he lay beneath me. His hands are gripping the sheets and his head is leaning back toward the ceiling. I grab his upper arm and extend them over his head while my lips go to Tyler's and as my hands make their way down Tyler's forearm to his-

I freeze right before I reach the bottom of his wrist. I sit up to where I'm not against his lips anymore. He realizes why I had stopped and pulls his arms together into his chest. 

"ty..." I grab his arm back into mine and he tries to pull away and finally gives up. I run my fingers over his scars that look new. I look up to his eyes which are starring at me with plead. I kiss his reddened skin and take my hands away from his damaged wrist and wrap them around his stomach and nussel my head in between his shoulder and neck.

We lay there not talking not doing anything. Just in thought about what comes next. 

"You can talk to me ty," I say faintly through his shoulder. 

There is a long pause before he finally mangles out a simple "I know." Seconds after saying "I was scared of what would happen." 

I look up moving my face to above his, "You don't have to be scared with me, I'm here for you and want to protect you, with everything I've got."

I rest my head on his chest and we breathe in sinc until I have to get up and leave; I still end up being late and getting a "warning" from my mum. 

 I get in the shower and go straight to bed. I don't sleep but just... think. I hate knowing tyler is in pain. So much pain he causes himself more pain. I wish I understood what he was going through with depression, so I could help him through it and not sound like an idiot. 

I don't sleep much that night. I can't get tyler out of my head and the next thing I know is my alarm is going off and I'm getting ready for school. 

When I get to school I wanna see tyler. I start to the direction of Tyler's locker and see him about 20-25 feet away. And then someone pops out of the line and goes to tyler at his locker. It's Alex Gaskarth, which is not good. I keep walking but keeping my distance seeing what is going to happen. 

Alex comes up behind Tyler and pushes his crouch against Tyler's ass and I see his hands go from the side of his hips to the inside of his thighs. It all happened at once and then I see Tyler jumping forward into his locker and alex laughing and jumping in front of him blocking his things. 

"I thought you'd like that, did you not?"

"Could you just leave me alone?"

"are you saying you didn't like it, loverboy? Would you have liked it if it was Josh? I know you would."

"Stop Alex. Just leave." 

"You actually think I'm ever going to leave you alone you faggot? You are going to hell along with your fucking toy for all th-

I grab ahold of Alex's collar of his varsity jacket and throw him to the ground. I step in front of him protective of Tyler. 

"Speak of the devil. Joshua dun."

"If you don't leave him the fuck alone we are going to have even worst problems then we already do." 

"You sure about that joshie?" Alex stand up from the ground and gets about a centimeter away from my face. I feel Tyler's fingers slide into mine behind my back. 

"Boys! What is going on?" Sssshit. Mr. Baugher the Christian studies teacher. 

"We are just messing around, sorry." I let out. 

"You better be only messing around. Get going to class."

I give Alex a death stare as he walks up stairs and I walk straight down the hallway not looking back at Tyler. I didn't want to show him I was scared. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH thank you all so much for the kudos!! It means a lot I love you guys!!
> 
> -
> 
> BTW TRIGGER WARNING  
> •self harm  
> •anxiety  
> •thoughts of suicide

::josh::

I avoided Tyler's eyes in class and in the hall. I just felt so  _awkward_ about what happened earlier. 

I hurry with getting my things out of my locker and race out to my car trying to act normal. I get into my safe car and back out. I usually wait for Tyler to walk out to flirt with him just a tiny bit but not today. 

I get home, grab a snack from the kitchen, where I say hello to my sister and mom starting on dinner, and walk up stairs. 

I deside to do my homework since I have nothing better to do but I can't concentrate. I keep thinking about what went on this morning. Tyler said that day I asked him about his fears that he was afraid to try with someone and mess up and loose them. I wonder if me avoiding him might think he messed up loosing me... god I hope not. I just- my fear is showing the real me to people and what they think. After I showed my side of affection towards Ty by defending him I don't know but something triggered and I'm so shaky now. I'm scared. I'm always scared since that first night I got too drunk. 

I'm going to give him some space though. I think I need it too. Not because I want to be away from him, no, it's definitely not that. I actually want him around me right now.

 

::tyler::

I feel it coming. I need to get out. I messed it up. I messed it all up. Why couldn't I have just not gone to that party and not had that- what ever it even was- with josh. I hate it. I hate me.

I make it through the day. Barely. And I'm out the door to see Josh already gone. That's when I loose it. I climb into my car and my tears start coming. I'm sobbing into my steering wheel and shaking uncontrollably. That's when i turn and grab my keys and slicing my wrists as hard as I could. It doesn't cause much but it did create ease. It felt better after a while I did slit. Blood was coming out at a good speed and I stopped my tears. I drive. 

 

\- - -

 

I get to my house; parents aren't home still. I go upstairs and collapse on my bed. I'm mr. misty eyed all over. Tears start to flow again and scratching once more. Just with my nails but right over top of the ones from my keys. I really am a mess. It's cause I messed everything up. I hear my mom come home and star up the stairs I dry my eyes and lay on my side with my damaged arm under me. She comes in. 

"Hey sweetheart I'm home!"

"Hi."

"I'm going to start on dinner, do you have any requests?"

"Uhm... tacos"

"That sounds great!" And with that she was out the door. 

I threw on a sweatshirt and pulled out my homework. Anything to distract my thoughts at this point. 

 

\- - -

 

School the next day I kept my head down. I didn't want to be noticed by anyone especially Josh. I kept noticing him though with that pink hair which always drew his attention to me. It's like he felt my eyes on him. 

After yesterday Alex got even worst. He came to me this morning again and shoved me into my locker door; hitting the corner of my forehead on the door. 

"Kill yourself" he whispered as he walked away. 

And then later that day in lunch I was sitting with 3 others at my table, everyone else buying lunch, and Alex came over and tipped my water all over me. It spilled down my shirt and to my pants. Thank god it was only water. He then just walked away.

At the end of the day I hurried faster then ever trying to get out of this stupid ass school and to my car but waiting at the door was of course, Alex. He stood in front of it so I couldn't pass through. 

"You going home already, Ty?"

i just looked at him

"I don't think it's quite time for you to leave. I'm not finished with you let." He says. 

I take a small step back. 

"So what happened to Joshie? Hm? Where is your  _hero_? The boy that saves the day. I bet you scared him off," He take a step towards me, "Or he just never liked you. Cause who could posibly like you tyler? You mine as well not even try. I think that would help everyone. Just stopping, leaving. Just kill yourself already." He pushes past me hitting his elbow right in my side and I pass trying to show any pain from my side and his words. 

I get into my car and start driving I can feel the heat of tears down my face as I drive. I walk to my room when I get home and crash into the bed and fall asleep. 

The sleep I was in didn't last long. I woke only an hour later to my mom waking me for dinner. 

I finish dinner and take my place back on my bed. I lay there and just think. My thoughts always take over. 

_You really did fuck everything up tyler. You lost josh. That goes back to what you told him. You are scared to ever try because you don't want to mess up. Well this just is evidence. Maybe Alex is right. Maybe if you kill yourself, everything will just end, be better for everyone. I don't know though. I sure have thought about that a lot in my life and maybe this time it will be the time I succeed. After all those past thoughts and you tried to end it, you always failed. Maybe this time you will finally end it. I do like josh though. He made me so happy when we were together those nights playing MarioKart and talking about our lives. He was so accepting when he saw my scars. I guess nobody could ever love me. But i lov- stop. Don't think that... even though it's true. I do love him. I can't say that though. It's over. You're a mistake. You lost the one you actually had a chance with because you are an idiot, a piece of shit._

I fell asleep with my thoughts only to be woken up in the morning with the same ones. 

I make it to school and my first class without running into Alex. 

I didn't see Alex until I was walking to AP Journalism, he was walking in the hall in the opposite direction. He gave me a glare and shook his head no very slowly. Whatever that's supposed to mean, I don't think it's good. 

I get into class and take my seat by the wall. The class seemed normal besides that there wasn't a pink haired boy in the class. 

10 to 15 minutes pass and the door opens and a boy walks in with the pink scruffy hair  ~~I was looking for earlier.~~ After he hands the teacher a pass, he looks at me, probably because I was starring which I didn't mean to or even notice I was doing. He keeps looking at me until he finds his seat and we both break away. I take one last look at him, putting his head in his hands and looking down at the desk beneath him before I leaned my head up against the wall and tried to focus on something rather than the pretty boy that I ruined my chances with sitting at the other side of the room. 

 

 - - -

 

It felt like a relief once friday finally came. It was a little easier to get out of bed. I get to my locker finally and grab my books. Everyone around me is looking my direction. Some are whispering, some are laughing, and some are making rude comments. What did I miss.

"Slut!" Someone I don't know yells to me as they walk by. 

_What is going on._

I walk to class anxious, my eyes darting everywhere. I'm searching for what is going on as more people yell things like "cunt" "whore" and "faggot". I jump into class and go to my seat next to Gerard. He pulls me into the chair and turns around completely facing me. 

"Tyler, did you hear what everyone is fucking saying?!" 

"Well people keep calling me a cunt and faggot and slut and whore so..."

"Alex started a rumor that in the bathroom yesterday you cornered him saying you were so hard for him and wanted him to suck you off... after him saying no you started to pull down your pants and beg. He said he pushed past you out of the bathroom and left you there." 

"That didn't happen Gerard."

"I know that didn't happen tyler trust me. But everyone thinks it's true... I don't know what to do."

I wrap my arms around my head, lying it down on the desk. 

I keep it there until class officially starts; my teacher doesn't like it when kids aren't paying attention. After class three lacrosse players I've never talked to come up to me in the hall making gestures that I don't want to describe. They called me some names and then laughed as they walked away. 

I get to AP journalism and it's the worst of them all. I walk in and automatically Josh's eyes dart up to mine. I know my face has a pleading look but I don't look away until I'm being slapped in the ass by another guy I've never talked to. I put my head down and sit down in my seat next to Mikey who pulls me into a hug. It's so simple but I really needed it. 

"I know it's not true Tyler so don't think you are alone alright." Mikey says into my ear. 

"Thanks Mikey." 

We pull away and our teacher starts the lesson. 

At lunch I go to my car and just drive around to nowhere. I don't stop to get any food either. I look at the clock and know it's time to go back but I really can't. It's hard. I know I have to anyway. 

I go back to my locker to see the words "kill yourself fucker" on the door. Great. I just do to my last 2 classes and people in the halls keep drawing there hand across my dick and grabbing my ass and calling me names. I'm a mistake. 

I messed everything up. Alex is right. I should kill myself. I finish the school day worst then ever. I go to my car. And slip past Josh's. I haven't seen his brown eyes since Journalism. I miss him. I go to open my door when I feel a tug on my shoulders. It's Alex of course. But there's 3 more guys. 2 I recognize from my classes but 1 I've never seen. After he spins me around, a punch goes straight to the nose and I immediately feel blood start to pour. I stumble back into my car and then a punch goes straight to the gut. I collapse to the ground and all 4 of the guys are on me now. Kicking my stomach, face, chest, and everywhere they could. My eyes are going dark and I can barely get any breathe through my lungs. 

They come to a stop and Alex kneels down.  

"See I've just helped you Ty. Now you can finish the work yourself. Die." They all walked away and I lay in a puddle of my blood. I lay there until I heard running foot steps. I can't be here. I lift my head as I see blurred pink hair in front of me. Josh is trying to help me up. I scramble back now with enough energy to move. My eyes fully open. I feel pain everywhere. He grabs my hand and I shake it off of me. "Leave."

"Tyler no-"

"Leave josh. I messed ev-"

"No!"

"Leave!" I'm screaming now. I grab ahold of my car and pull myself up. Josh stands too. 

"Tyler you can't drive like this. Let me-"

"no... you can't." My voice goes soft and I'm looking into my car now. "This is why I don't try. This is why I won't anymore." I get in my car before Josh can do anything and leave. 

I can't love him. I can't because I will mess it up. I do love him but that's why I can't because I don't want to hurt him. I'm scared I'll hurt him. I'm scared I won't be enough. I'm not enough. I deserve to die because I left him there. But he left me. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it. I can't. I can't. I can't. 

I stumble out of my car and into the door. My mom is already home. I close the door and start up the stairs. She peaks her head out of the kitchen and sees the mess of myself. 

"Tyler!"

I don't stop. I go to the bathroom.

"Tyler! What happened!"

I lock the door. I take out all the pills I can find. I pour them out into the counter. 

"Tyler! Open the door!" She is banging on the door. 

I hear a different door open. I think it's the front. 

"Tyler!" I hear josh. Next I hear racing foot steps up the stairs. Then I hear my mom sobbing, still banging on the door. 

I take the pills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't notice how many grammar and spelling errors I had until I uploaded that last chapter. Sorry lol.

::tyler::

I down the pills right before the door busts open and my mom runs in, josh following right behind. My mom is all up on me but I collapse into josh. He is crying. I burry my head into his neck and we fall against the wall. My mom takes a step back almost in shock. 

"I love you." Josh says faintly. I start crying uncontrollably.

"I love you too." I said it back. 

 

::josh::

He said it back. 

 I grip ahold of him tighter with his shirt in my hands. My knuckles are starting to turn white. 

Mrs. joseph races out into the hall and I hear her on the phone and a few minutes later an ambulance and the door shooting open. In the car I'm holding Tyler as close as I can. 

They pump his stomach. I had to leave him for that and he had to stay for the weekend. I didn't go home at all. I could visit him to see how he was doing but only for short times. Then I would take my spot back onto the bench in the hallway. I just sat. Mrs. joseph could be with him whenever she wanted. I mean it is his mom. 

Mr. joseph came 30 minutes after we got there the first night. Sad to say but both his parents looked like a mess. I don't think either of them slept. They didn't leave him though and neither did I. I called my mom and told her the problem. She was actually okay with me staying. She did come over Saturday morning and brought everyone breakfast which really delighted the joseph family. All of them were there. Parents and siblings. They let me in the room to share the meal. 

Tyler looked even worst with the result of Alex beating him up and his stomach getting pumped. 

I havent seen tyler since last night before he went into the process of getting the pills out. He looks so sad in his eyes. I go and lean up against the wall trying to avoid the joseph family. It's awkward ya know. 

My mom makes small talk asking how tyler is feeling and if she can do anything to help. 

A boy comes up to me, Tyler's brother. 

"You are josh huh?" It was more of a statement then a question. 

"Yeah." I say softly. 

"I'm zack, Ty's brother. He talks about you a lot. Not to everyone though it's just me. He likes you. A lot actually."

"oh,"I really don't know what to say to that, "I like him."

"Come over here boys take some breakfast." Mr joseph calls to us, finally ending the semi-awkward conversation. 

I don't talk to anyone for the rest of the time before a doctor comes in and is shoving us out to talk to Ty and his parents. After a while he walks out, into another room and pulls out a woman in her late 20. They walk back into Tyler's room and a couple minutes later everyone walks out besides the woman. The doctor walks away and Mr joseph walk over to me on the bench. Mrs joseph going to the cafeteria where I'm guessing the rest of her kids are. 

"How are you doing josh?" He says with a week voice. 

"I'm holding together. And you?"

"Well I felt better knowing tyler is okay now."

"me too."

"My wife said that you are his boyfriend."

"we- I- we havent... officially asked each other out..."

"well I approve. You'd be good for him." Mr. Joseph smiles at me. 

"Could I ask who that lady is that went in there?"

"Thats Tyler's therapist. He had him when he was a freshman and stopped goin last year because we all came to a conclusion that he didn't need it anymore. I guess that changed this year, huh. Damn bullies."

"oh." As I said that the therapist walks out. 

"You can go have some alone time with Tyler. Since you havent yet."

I nod and go to the door of Tyler's room. I grab the knob put pause, not opening it quite yet. After a few seconds I finally push the door open. 

Tyler pops his eyes instantly up to mine. Once I see his brown eyes I flashback to last night when he said the words I love you to me. My steps stutter but I make it to the bed and move my eyes away from Tyler's and sit down facing the wall. He drops his head and I move my whole body looking at him in response. He keeps his head down but peaks his eyes up. His eyes have a redness starting to show. He looks back down and shakes his head moving his hands up to his face. 

I lean to him taking his hands away from his eyes and snuggling my head into his side. I rub circles around his stomach with my left hand. 

"I really mean what I said last night."

"I do too Ty." He's talking about the I love you. 

"I didn't think you cared that much."

"I care so fucking much Tyler don't think I don't for one second." I look up at him. 

"I- I just thought you were mad at me or I messed it up." 

"Trust me you didn't do anything wrong." There was a pause before he responded. 

"I am sorry about everything that's happened since the beginning. I'm sorry for scaring you last night and for Alex and the bullies. Sorry for the start of this all with the party and getting both of us drunk and leading you on and stuff. I'm sorry for it all."

"It wasn't you." I take a breath and then start again, " that night at the party I had 2 drinks with you before and that's it. I wasn't drunk before. I mean yeah we had a ton after but... I knew exactly what I was doing and don't stop because I wanted it. It's my fault for what happened because if I was a decent man I wouldn't have done that to you. It wouldn't have caused Alex to go after you and start those rumors and... everything."

"We are even." I give him a confused look. "I wasn't completely drunk either J, I only had those 2 drinks with you. I knew too."

"hm" I say still circling my hand gently on Ty's stomach for another 3 ish minutes until he grabs my arm and pulls me over on him. I don't want to put weight on him since he is still weak and bruised. My legs are bent at his sides and my arms supporting me, placed below the pillow Tyler was resting his head on. I look down at him and he runs his hands up my body from my lower abdomin to my collarbone. I'm can't look away from his big brown eyes and his soft pink and nude lips. His cheeks with a bit of pink forming as I let the words "You are the most beautiful person on this earth." escape my mouth. 

"I think that spot is already taken by you."

"I think not." I don't give him anytime to reply as I sink down on him, still not putting weight on his sore body. We lock lips so so delicately and I feel Tyler's hands go back to my torso. I put the weight of my body on one hand and take the other behind his neck. Our tongues are meeting and lips are biting. Tyler's hands go away from my chest and I feel his cold hands touch my back and slide down my pants to my ass. I wasn't expecting it and jump a little. In response, I feel pressure in his hands on my ass pushing me down. Our bodies pressed together as one I take my lips down to the neck of this brown eyed, brown haired boy who leans his head back and digs his nails into my skin under my pants. I let out a whimper against his skin. He squeezes more and I feel that go straight to my cock. I feel a huge blush form at my face as I lean my forehead against the pillow next to Tyler. 

"Don't hide it hun. It's cute." I turn my head, the sides of my lips curl up as I go in for a rough kiss only to me pushed off to the knock at the door. I slide back to the edge of the bed facing the wall. Mr joseph walks in with the doctor. 

"Sorry to interrupt anything but I'm gonna check up on how the healing is coming and how much you can do and if you can actually get up. I get up of the bed and tell Mr. Joseph I'm going to go to the cafeteria and asked if I should bring anything back for him or tyler. We settle on simple jello and water for tyler and a coffee for Chris. 

I walk to the cafeteria following he signs and grab a tray and first start off by just getting Chris's and Tyler's and then mine. I haven't eaten since much. I had breakfast but was to distracted to gulp any of it down. I choose a bowl of mac n' cheese and a Red Bull. When I make it back to the room Tyler is standing and the doctor is looking at his stomach seeing the bruises. I give Mr joseph his coffee and set the tray on the corner table. I place myself against the window sill trying to not look at Tyler's body. 

The doctor finishes saying he looks much better but his abdomen will be sore for about 5 more days at least. After he eats his jello his stomach, from the pump, will start to feel better immediately. He is now free to do whatever but still must stay in the hospitals care for a few more days until they know he is completely better. 

The doctor leaves and I give Ty his jello and myself my macaroni. 

"I might go home and rest a little since your doctor said you were much better. That okay Ty?" Chris says. 

"Yeah that's fine. Mom and everyone went home already right."

"Yes they did."

"Go ahead. You need to sleep."

I stay with Tyler the rest of the day and sleep next him that night, legs entwined, arms wrapped around bodies, and heads nussled into each other. I can't think of a life if I didn't find him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading!!! If you have any ideas or anything that you want to happen in this story for upcoming chapters please comment them!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to update. I got that writers block. So here, have some smut.

::tyler::

I wake up. Josh. Wrapped every inch of him around me. Protected every inch of me. I sink even deeper into him and he squeezes me tighter. 

"How are you feeling?" He lets out. 

"Better. Lots."

"That's great. You want some breakfast?"

"That sounds good."

Josh slowly gets up and starts to walk to the door. "Any requests?"

"Their Jello is pretty good. Waffles also sound delicious."

"Coming right up!" Josh leaves with a smile. 

He comes back only 5 minutes later with Jello, waffles, and orange juice for 2.

We eat and have small talk but it was nice. The day was easy. My parents came with lunch but left a little before dinner and then I had therapy. I've never been a fan of therapy but I guess it helps. Hopefully it will this time anyway. During therapy, just went home for a while. 

He came back around 20 after 7, 20 minutes after therapy ended. He came back with a turkey meal from Bob Evans and a ton of blankets he says from his mom. 

He layed the blankets on my bed and sat on top of them in front of my legs and the food between us, on my legs. 

We ate and it was so nice and so... blissful. 

We finished and the doctor walked in to check on everything. Overall I felt much better. My stomach from being pumped was fine but my stomach from the fight was still a tiny bit sore. My face from the fight still was a bit damaged but only a little. They said I should be released to go home tomorrow. Monday, I would miss school. What a  _shame._ I thought to myself with sarcasm. 

After the doctor left josh climbed back onto the bed beside me. "Soooo... you overall feel good? Right?"

"... yes." I give him a curious look while he just smirks at me. 

"Hm." He looks over at me and climbs over my legs and sits up. "You wanna do something?" He says with the devious grin. 

I fake yawn and stretch my arms out, " ahhh I don't know Josh. I'm a little tired." 

I look at him look at me and shrug and get off the bed. "Josh! No! It was a joke! Come back I definitely want to do something."

He walks to the door and when I think he is leaving, he locks it. He makes his way back to his spot sitting on my legs. "I've been doing my research, since I've never  _given_ head before. You tell me how I do." He leans into my lips while he says the last part. We kiss and grab at clothes for a while until I feel him lift up my hospital gown showing my almost hard member under my boxers. He runs his hands up my chest bringing the piece of clothing with him, up and over my head. He slides out of his shirt and thows it across the room with mine. He places little purple marks all down my chest while I pick at the sheets below us. He reaches the top of my boxers where I'm fully hard now. It doesn't take me long to get hard when I have a hot pink haired boy on top of me. 

He slides his fingers under the waist band and pulls them all the way down to wear I have to kick them off of my ankles. All the sudden a feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. He sees everything now. He runs the palm of his hands over my thighs where more cuts and scars lay. He continues his palms up past my hips to my shoulders and back down. They don't matter to him.

His tongue touches my head and licks all the way down. He brings his lips back up and over, taking me all in. I throw my head back and move my hands from gripping the sheets to gripping Josh's pink hair. He moves his mouth up and down. I moan out his name. He moves faster around me. "I- I'm gonna come." To my surprise he doesn't move. "Josh I'm r-really, mm, close." He still doesn't budge. 

I release into his mouth and he swallows it all. He brings himself back up to me, centimeters away from my face. "Welllll, it was alright I guess."

"Bullshit." He replies and pulls me ontop of him, switching our places. I lean on him placing a kiss on his lips and feeling him hard underneath me. 

"Maybe I should do something about what you have."

"Hm possibly." He smirks. 

I push myself down his body and tug at his pants and boxers. I take him in right away and feel his hands on my shoulders. I swirl my tongue around tasting everything and play around with the head of him. His fingernails dig into my shoulders. "God t-tyler." I have to hold his hips down as he thrust upward. I move my mouth down and up in a fast pace hitting my nose on his naval as he moans. "I'm close, I'm gonna..." I take my mouth of him and he comes over his stomach. I take a towel from the open bathroom and clean him off. I collapse ontop of him and feeling instantly drained from energy, we fall asleep. 

 

\- - -

 

We wake up to each others warmth. A sheet thrown over us and still butt naked. I sit up and throw on some boxers as josh sits up too. I through his boxers at him and go to the bathroom. I come out with a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. Arms behind his head, leaving back with that smirk on his face. 

"What is that smirk for?" I say through toothpaste and foam. 

"I did some nice work on those hickeys."

I look down at the fine line of bruises all down my chest. Great. I go back to the bathroom sink and spit the bubbles into the sink and walk back out. I go to sit down as there's a knock on the door. I start to the door when Josh's voice halts me. "You might want to put a shirt on... just a thought." I race to get a shiriot from a drawer and go to the door as Josh gets his own shirt that was ripped off of him yesterday. "Hello Tyler. How are you feeling today?" The doctor walks in and I now see the mess of a room. Towels thrown into a pile on the side and sheets thrown everywhere. Oops. 

"I feeling much better. I agree I could go home today, if that's alright." I give him a soft smile. 

"Yeah! I'll just check how you're looking, give your parents a call and let you off back into the world." He laughs at the end. I see Josh in the corner of my eye scoop the sheets up off the floor and walk into the bathroom and coming out empty handed. I sit on the bed as the doctor checks my temperature and the cuts on my face. He moves onto checking my pulse. "So far you look really good. If you could just lay down and lift up your shirt so I can see your stomach I can let you go." Crap. 

"Uhm..." I stutter on my words and movements and see the doctor looking confused. 

"I just need to check how everything in your stomach feels and looks... like we have done before." 

I hear a faint giggle from Josh and I slowly lay down and lift up my shirt a little. The docs eyes go wide and cheeks actually become a light pink. Josh giggles go into a full blown laughter. My face flushes red. "Well it looks like your bruises still haven't gone away..." Now Josh is hunched over and I think he is starting to tear up. The doctor laughs and in a softer tone, "I'll let you guys get goin, hm?"

"That would be great..." I squeak out. 

We walk out the door both me and josh throwing on pants and go to sign out. 

We walk to Josh's car and the sun feels so good on my skin from being cooped up inside for so long. We hop into his white car and I grab his shirt and pull him into me for a passionate kiss. I pull our lips away only a centimeter, "Thanks for saving me."

"My pleasure. I'd definitely do it again." 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME IM SO SORRY ABOUT THIS CHAPTER I DIDNT KNOW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

  * ::tyler:: 



We go back to Josh's house and cuddle for a while, watching 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower.' I lay my head on Josh's chest as he plays with my hair.  _God_ I love this. I love him. "I love you."

I feel Josh's heart beat speed up which makes me smile. "I love you too tyler."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and lean into josh a bit further. 

The movie finishes and by that times it's almost 2 o'clock. I sit up on to the side of the boy next to me, "lunch?"

"lunch." He sits up and laces our fingers together as we walk out to his car. Listening to the radio, hands still locked together when a familiar song comes on the radio.

 _Coming out of my cage_ it starts.

Me and josh look at me each other with crazy smiles. We start singing like there is no tomorrow to our song. Still hands interlocked. 

The song finishes right when we get to Taco Bell. I  _love_ Taco Bell. We order our food and take a seat waiting for Josh's name to be called saying our food is ready. I sit across from him in a booth doing nothing but staring at him in the eyes playing with his hands on top of the table. Josh's name is called and he walks up to get our food. He is up there for longer than I thought. I mean how long does it take to walk up there and grab a tray of food. I try and peak around the wall that is blocking my view but can't see him. I hesitantly stand up and start towards the place where Josh should be. 

He isn't there. The food is on the counter but Josh isn't here. 

_He left you. He saw the chance to leave and took it. I told you he didn't love you. No one likes you._

I start to panic. No. He loves me! I look around the place frantically. He didn't leave... 

 _Yes he did Tyler. Did you really think he would stay with you. I mean look at what you've done and what you are doing with your life. Take my advice, end it. You failed last time like usual, end it for real this time._ _You-_

"Sir?" A man breaks my thoughts, blurry. 

I jerk myself to face him with a face of panic. 

"Are you alright?"

"Do you know where he is." I say trying to stay calm. 

"Where who is?"

"Josh... he left me." I say not looking at the worker anymore and moving my eyes to the floor to my side. The tears are coming.

"Pink hair?" I nod very small, "some guy came and pulled him outside... Uhm he's probably just out there...?" I look up at him and race outside. What guy? 

I hit the outside air and look around for Josh and Other Guy. I walk down the side walk lining the building and turn a corner to see a familiar man pushed up against the wall by Josh. 

No. 

I stop my steps forward a take one back not looking away. 

The tears that stopped start up again. I take another step back, turning myself around to go the direction I came. I run. 

Their were kissing. The were makin out! He doesn't love me! It's all a lie! I'm sobbing now running down the sidewalk on the street. I stop at a small bridge going over a small creek and sink into the ground leaning my head back against the cold metal. I let the tears run down my cheeks. 

 

\- - - 

 

::josh::

I start to grab the tray for Tyler and I when an warm hand grabs my forearm. I get dragged out the building to be pushed up against the wall by a rough kiss. I push away and see the eyes of Ryan.  _Ryan._ I push back into the kiss. 

_Josh what are you doing? What about tyler?_

I, again, push Ryan off of me. But I grab his hand and lead him around the corner of the building, out of sight. I start the kiss again me pushing him into the wall. I don't know why I'm doing this right now. I'm kissing him, thinking of Tyler, but wanting Ryan. 

We are using our tongues now, Ryan's warm hands pushing into the back of my skinny jeans, making my dick twitch. 

The next thing I know is I hear running feet. I jerk off of him and see  _Tyler._ Oh my god I'm such an idiot. I start running after him but god is he fast. I hop in my car really fast leaving Ryan not knowing what just happened. But then he jumps in the passengers seat. I pull out not bothering with the seat belt. 

Which way did he go. I don't know. 

I drive hoping I can find him. 

"What the hell was that!? Why are you in my car!? Why did you kiss me!?"

"Josh... I-"

"I have a boyfriend!"

"Well I didn't know that..."

"Well you should've thought before doing that!" Im screaming at Ryan. I can't loose Tyler. 

"Well you seemed to want me."

"Do not say that. I do not want you."

I stop in the middle of the road. "Get out."

"What?!"

"I said get out!"

 

\- - -

 

::tyler::

I stand after about 5 minutes and start walking down the sidewalk in the same direction I was going before. 

_I told you didn't I? He doesn't love you. Now that we have settled that why don't we settle the other thing huh? The fun part! How should we do it this time?... Well speaking of bridges... let's jump off one! Sounds fun right? Do it._

Tears are flowing faster now. I continue walking till I find myself at the Hoover Dam. I walk up the steps to the top and peer out onto the water I climb up onto the rail and pause for a moment. 

"Hey! Get off of there!" I deap voice screams my way. I look behind me to see a tall man running my way. I step off the railing and fall.

_It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this_

The wind hitting my face, cold and a little sharp in pain. It's a beauiful feeling for a last moment.

 

\- - -

 

::josh:: 

I didn't find him. It's about 5 o'clock when I go back home and mom my is right there at the door pulling me into the house. 

"Josh..."

"Mama."

"What happened with Tyler?"

"How did you know something happened with Tyler?" She sits me into a chair and turns on the TV turning it to a different channel. A news channel. About a... suicide... no.

My heart drops. I stand up from my seat and start to take off I don't even know where. My mother grabs my arm and pulls me onto her wrapping her arms around me. I sob into her. 

"Josh. Josh. Im sorry." I feel her crying too. 

What have I done. I lay against my mother for almost an hour, my cry not stopping. 

"How about I make he some tea?"

I nod into her. She walking into the kitchen and I stand up walking to my room. I sit on my bed. 

My phone buzzing on my desk I stand up and through it at my wall then collapsing to the ground. I lay my forehead to the ground, tears falling to the wood. I roll up and grab the sleeping pills out of my desk drawer. I take them and fall onto my back looking up at the ceiling. 

"I love you tyler." I whisper out. 

The pain shooting through my stomach and my heart beating slower and slower until its black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's one way to end it huh... oops. I don't know what's wrong with me.


End file.
